We get mail . . .
Some folks write to the site, instead of leaving comments here. Their emails are an interesting read; they often voice opinions which wouldn’t otherwise have been heard.
Most people are pretty complimentary; honestly, the word “amazing” appears quite often. One person used the words “disturbing, blunt and effective” - I liked that too. But there are also some criticisms and I wanted to deal with three of those today. These all incidentally revolve around disclosure. I’ll paraphrase them for you.
Accusation # 1 : Disclosing is not a choice, poz guys have to disclose their status when having sex. You are nasty, irresponsible people for suggesting otherwise!
My reaction? Clearly there is a bit of work to be done here, involving both poz and beg guys, in helping folks understand exactly what the law says. There seems to be a common perception that the law says disclosure is alwasy necessary BUT a) that’s not true, and b) if neg guys think poz guys will disclose always, they are unnecessarily putting themselves at risk and c) we need to repeat that the greatest danger of infection comes from newly infected/infectious guys who don’t know they are poz, so disclosure isn’t the magic bullet that keeps everyone safe. In short, the law, and folks shaky understanding of it, have created a minefield of dangerous misconceptions. In fact those who say the law results in more new infections, not less, are probably right. How we dig ourselves out of this mess I’m not sure, but more education on it will help.
Your reacton ?????????
Accusation # 2: Stigma makes poz guys lie about their status, therefore all sex is dangerous and scary. You are nasty irresponsible people for spoiling sex for me.
My reaction? Stigma certainly isn’t a helpful factor in having people talk openly about their status, but accusations of lying about it aren’t helpful either. I don’t really know whether many people lie; if they do I understand, but don’t approve. I suspect a much more common way of dealing with being poz though is just not talking about it. And that’s OK, in my book, if you’re not exposing your partner to risk, or not considering a relationship. But if some neg guys are relying on partner disclosure as their safer sex strategy, that’s just naive. Why not revert to the strategy of treating all partners as if they are potentially positive? So that lying, if it occurs, is hardly an issue.
Your reaction: ?????????
Accusation # 3: You’re excusing poz guys who don’t tell their partners their status. You are nasty irresponsible people for encouraging dishonesty.
My reaction? This all seems to stem from that slogan “If you were rejected every time you disclosed, would you?” which has been much discussed here. Some folks whose opinions I respect have questioned the wisdom of choosing this slogan for this same reason - that it appears to condone,. perhaps even encourage, nondisclosure. Regardless of the fact that disclosure isn’t always required by law (see above), I must admit it does concern me that folks have interpreted the campaign that way. So was that slogan a wise choice? Can we afford to have negative interpretations of it out there? Honestly, I’m not sure.
Your reaction:????????
Let’s hear from ya!
Tags: disclosure, stigma, the law



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February 5, 2009 08:52 PM
Hi. Your site displays incorrectly in Explorer, but content excellent! Thanks for your wise words.
January 28, 2009 06:25 AM
No prob.
January 27, 2009 11:15 PM
Great! Thank you!
I always wanted to write in my blog something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?
Of course, I will add backlink?
Regards, Timur I. Alhimenkov
January 19, 2009 09:13 PM
SIR, I hear you - and believe me, I understand.
Clearly you get that one of the problems that makes dislosure so potentially dangerous for poz guys - and we’ve discussed this here before - is that it seldom involves just the recipient of that news. People talk, so disclosing to one person can and does result in second-hand disclosure to perhaps an entire community. That’s invasion of the privacy we all value dearly. So when people adopt disclsoure strategies different to mine, I may not agree with those choices, but I certainly don’t condemn them. Some of us are more vulnerable than others, after all.
When you aren’t putting your partner at risk, even the law doesn’t seem to require disclosure. So in the context of “safe” behaviour, (and I think that’s where you’re coming from) the need for a truthful answer to enquiries about one’s status is a bit of a moot point, I guess.
January 19, 2009 07:41 PM
“Is lying about your status ethical? Not so much in my book”
Well, here’s the thing, Bob. Many of us will never disclose to anyone because the risks to our personal security just feel too high. We can still protect partners though.
But when some push for norms that include encourage neg guys asking all of their sex partners what their status is, that puts us at risk. Saying “yes, I have HIV” or offering some kind of ambivalent (and thus not “dishonest”) response are essentially the same thing. So I say “no,” or “I’m not 100 percent sure.” Often I will avoid pursuing someone further who pursues that line of questioning. Which also basically more or less outs you.
It’s a frustrating position to be put in.
January 19, 2009 08:42 AM
Thank you SIR (god, that sounds strange to say that here) for weighing in.
Is lying about your status ethical? Not so much in my book - life is complicated enough already, and in some circumstances it could get you in real trouble - - but let’s face it, ethics are a very personal business.
January 19, 2009 08:39 AM
Hey Rodger. Thanks for that link. There is some fascinating dialogue contained in the comments on the video, particularly regarding barebacking, its allure and why guys do it. (I’d love to explore that particular topic here but I’m not sure its sufficiently linked to our campaign’s key messages.) Buy yes, there is much evidence of that divide between the poz view of prevention and the neg one that we’ve seen here too. Crossing that divide is crucial I think, although I must admit I’m short on solutions as to how to do this effectively.
Thanks also for providing fodder for a future post. The comments to the video include some interesting views on fear-based prevention messaging and its impact on HIV stigma - and thus new infections- which I’d like to return to.
January 18, 2009 07:25 AM
I just read a discussion of HIV prevention education that made me feel more or less hopeless about the possibilities of uniting poz and neg guys. It was about an HIV-prevention PSA that basically showed “hot young guys” getting it on and ended with a tagline that basically said “How on earth could you possibly bareback?? Don’t you know better by now!!”
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/search/label/Eric%20Leven
http://www.haloscan.com/comments/joemygod/8825991057554371994/
I was being a bit hyperbolic in my first sentence there. There are lots of amazing and smart guys, neg and poz, who work to understand each other and move beyond fear and mutual misunderstanding. But when I read through a bunch of comments like the ones on that post, it just feels like (1) the positions are so entrenched and (2) the outwardly directed anger by some neg guys feels almost violent.
January 17, 2009 04:43 PM
Here are the facts as far as I’m concerned:
—no one with HIV is obliged to disclose
—people with HIV who play safe are allowed to “lie” and it doesn’t make them unethical
—everyone is equally responsible for playing safe, it’s not that people with HIV are responsible for everyone else’s health
—people who think they are negative have no right whatsoever to be indignant about people not disclosing
—people who think they are negative have the responsibility to themselves and to their community to learn about how HIV is actually transmitted and what are real risks and what are not (people who make out with you don’t have to tell you anything, though some seem to think so, and in a way that verges on hysterical); if they understood this, they would realize that the demand for disclosure is completely out of line and there is no way they should be allowed to get away with it
–it is reasonable for people with HIV to respond to the whole “D&D free” bullshit with not disclosing
—everyone in the queer community is equally responsible to promoting safer-sex norms and passing them on to queer youth. That is what is going to make a different, not blaming people with HIV for other people not wanting to own their own responsibility