Themes
This campaign isn’t being wound up yet by any means, but nevertheless some of us are in contemplative mood, trying to summarize for ourselves and others what major themes have emerged. In fact I have to talk about some of these at a Gay Mens’ Health Promotion summit coming up next month in Toronto. The intent is to share with prevention workers from across Ontario some of the things we’ve learned. Some of that material will be derived from the discussion that’s happened on this blog, and on those of the other seven facilitators.
Here’s my attempt to summarize one of the major discussion areas:
Pox and neg guys tend to think differently, particularly on disclosure issues. Many report encountering disclosure very infrequently; it just doesn’t happen a lot in many venues, it seems. But neg guys expect poz guys to disclose. Poz guys don’t have a single approach, but a significant number seem to follow the practice of not disclosing when risk of exposure is not significantly present. Neg guys also aren’t so committed to maintaining the confidentiality that poz guys require about their status, and this bugs poz guys. And poz and neg guys alike are all over the map when it comes to whether not being uncomfortable dating a poz guy constitutes stigma or understandable apprehension. There is a general consensus that more dialogue is required on all of this.
I think there are other things that have emerged - the mainstreaming of the view that poz guys are less responsible for new transmissions than untested “neg.” guys, and that if you’re going to sero-sort, you’re perhaps safer with poz guys than so called “neg” guys. There’s been interesting discussion on the joys of condom-less sex too, and how we deal with those. And on whether rejection is a big deal. But I’d like to hear from others. What do you think has happened here, if anything, that has advanced our knowledge of how we think and relate to each other?
**************************
And on an entirely different note . . .
Obama, the president that’s vowed to take on HIV Stigma (see my previous post), is taking early action on the AIDS front. Now he’s asked PEPFAR pres Mark Dybul to resign.. That may cause a yawn here in Canada, but for anyone who follows AIDS politics this is big!
Read about it here: http://www.kaisernetwork.org/daily_reports/rep_index.cfm?DR_ID=56599
The significance is not only that Obama is putting his money where his mouth is on AIDS policy but that this likely marks the end to all that abstinence-based crap we’ve seen emanating from our neighbours to the south for way too long.
Can tackling HIV stigma be far behind?
Tags: disclosure, obama, stigna
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January 30, 2009 01:22 AM
Gryphon,
I think most of us here who have been with the campaign for some time have come full circle with the concept of shared responsibility in terms of safer sex. While I agree that your health is your responsibility and that it is hard to pass that off to someone else, I also fully recognize that us POZ guys have a role to play in protecting those people who would otherwise be content not to practice safer sex. We know better, we have been there and who better to fight HIV than those of us affected by it? The buck stops here, we cannot simply be content to negate our responsibilities because of someone else’s recklessness or apparently lack of concern. Food for thought.
Cheers,
E
January 29, 2009 11:21 PM
To Question:
It can mean a lot. Here, I refer to the risk of sex without the responsibility of the choices made. Anyone who engages in risky behave and then seeks to blame someone for their conversion, is not carrying his weight. Basically, it takes two to tango. The weight of the suituation is in truth shared, but the world of gay men often like to paint the poz folks as responsible for stopping everything, even if a neg guy will bareback with anyone that says he is neg…
There are blanket statements made here that can’t be held fully true, but that is the gist of what I mean.
January 29, 2009 08:42 PM
To Gryphon: re “folks that don’t carry the weight of their own decisions on their own shoulders” — what do you mean by that?
January 29, 2009 07:52 PM
Good to see you here, gryph, and you are absolutely right about neg guys and sero-sorting. The consensus here too seems to be that it’s dangerous, with all those “neg” guys” with sky-high viiral loads out there. On the other hand, it seems a shame to discount sero-sorting entirely; at least these guys are trying to do something to stay negative, however ineffective that tactic may be. Then again, it’s more than a little bit stigmatizing, isn’t it, rejecting poz guys as partners outright.
We havent talked a lot about poz-on-poz sero-sorting here; I’ll address that in another post perhaps, so stick around.
I like the perspective you’ve shared though, namely the effort to find good men, whatever their status. That is a perspective we haven’t heard here before: I like it and and I thank you for sharing it with us.
January 29, 2009 12:18 PM
I am tossed about sero-sorting: I do believe that it encourages neg guys to trust where trust shouldn’t be given. It is all their choice, but I have this hard place in it. I feel if I were to engage with even the lightest risk sex with them - safely - and they were to ever test POZ, they would look to me for having been honest, even if they risked more with guys that said they were neg. It is too much stress for me, so I often bow out of the possibility.
I make exception for those that truly choose their path. I am blessed with good men in my life. I have a couple neg lovers that stand in their choice and hold their own share of the responsibility of our exchanges. This is a beautiful thing to me, which I treasure fully, but I do feel I have to wade through a lot of crap to find them. Perhaps I less effected over all by stigma due to my own nature, but I am aging and struggling more with health concerns and I tire more easily. Basic social interactions can exhaust me now, so I have become more selective in choosing whom I let into my personal life. I don’t think I sero-sort so much as idiot-sort. *g* And idiots fall into every demographic of the world.
To offer some background to my life, I disclose pretty easily. My time has become precious to me and I don’t wish to waste it on folks that don’t carry the weight of their own decisions on their own shoulders. I have recently disclosed to most of the folks of my past via Facebook. I disclose as quickly as possible in most social settings, bringing up the topic whenever casual mention allows. I don’t filter much of my life. I drop references to meds and numbers as casual conversation. I am fortunate to have a solid circle of people in my life that have a large world view.
I imagine all of my motivations in disclosure may be derived from dodging stigma in some sense or another. I don’t see myself as a victim of it, per se, but it does fully fuel my choices.
January 28, 2009 06:38 AM
Thanks Elliot for that. I will take your advice.
On the issue of criminalization in particular, I was going to raise that one too, as I’m becoming concerned with just how united we are on this. The criminalization issue continues to be debated in our movement as we speak, when there is really no need for debate. Honestly, its not a difficult isssue if you support PHA rights wholeheartedly - and there lies the problem. I’ll post about that very soon.
January 27, 2009 11:06 PM
Dear Bob,
I hope you are well. I think you have summarized, rather succinctly, the debate to date. I would say that I disagree with the point about the confusion around refusing to date POZ guys. To my mind, if you refuse to date someone on that basis it is, indeed, stigmatization. Perhaps this needs to be raised again to get the debate going.
I would also add a third theme that keeps popping up and that is around the issue of criminalization, and you know the debate as well as I do, so little need to recap.
Cheers,
E