Bob’s Blog » Blog Archive » What’s love got to do with it?

What’s love got to do with it?

( 451 Comments )

. . . or, more specifically, what has same-sex marriage got to do with HIV prevention, yet alone stigma? Read on.

Some advocates for gay marriage - the debate still rages in the US - think that same-sex matrimony will lead to a reduction in HIV transmission. The US-based AIDS mag, POZ, said recently that some gay marriage advocates argue that “marriage would ordain and encourage pure, old fashioned fidelity, giving gays a legally sanctioned reason to swear off the temptation of extracurricular, unprotected sex.” In other words, keep hubby locked up at home - and happy - and that will stop the stop the “problem” of gay promiscuity, and thus lower HIV infection rates.

Read the full article here: http://www.poz.com/articles/gay_marriage_hiv_prevention_2226_15107.shtml

Frankly, this makes me uncomfortable. My concern isn’t about the need to enact same sex marriage legislation, of course, so let’s not go there. (For the record, I’ve been in a twenty-seven year open relationship; we ourselves don’t need, and don’t want, to get married, and we already have a toaster. But others MUST have the right to get married, period.) But bringing HIV in to the mix smells like stigma to me - and, for a change, it’s single negative guys who are being stigmatized as well as us poz guys.

The logic of the advocate’s argument is all wrong too. So-called monogamy, and with it, the abandonment of condoms, leads, I think, to too many scenarios which actually contribute to transmission rather than curb it.

But it’s the unflattering characterization of negative gay men in particular that makes me squirm. It makes it sound like they’re sex-mad risk takers, for whom old-fashioned marriage is a cure. OK, the sex-mad part might be right. ;-) But really, this is stigma, and from within our own community too.

Or is it? Am I being too sensitive here? Talk to me.

And while we’re at it, is there other HIV-related stigma out there that’s directed at neg guys rather than poz guys?

Tags: fidelity, poz magazine, same-sex marriage, stigma

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 26th, 2008 at 1:39 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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Bob:
October 27, 2008 06:35 PM
Eremir. Happy travelling!

I have no problems with fucking around - but clearly our focus has to be on safer fucking around. I agree with you that marriage, as an institution, has dubious merit in helping that cause. And yes, the implication that gays who are single and live this “promiscuous” lifestyle - gee I hate that word, it’s so judgemental - are second-class is shitty.

Now the bath-house debate is a different kettle of fish. Where would we be without them? Losing venues for safer sex education, for one. But over on Tim’s page, there’s been good discssion on bath-house issues though. I hope you’ll check it out.
Eremir:
October 27, 2008 05:44 PM
Bob:

I agree completely with you. In fact, this kind of stigma is very frightening, because it is an “assumed” stigma. It is assumed we are losers. It is like saying: “people, please let us get married so we don’t finish sick and miserable like they did”. On the other side, there is nothing more prone to create promiscuity than a financially sealed “for ever after” promise.

In fact, if you want to reduce HIV, close bath houses haha. Ah, no, that they would not ask, uh?

I have not too much time to comment because I am travelling, but I keep reading your blog. Cheers!
Bob:
October 27, 2008 09:55 AM
To “whats’s marriage . .”
I think we agree on that. In fact it’s DANGEROUS to equate marriage with fidelity a) because that’s not the model everyone wants anyway, and I hate statements that are so exclusionary and b) because pragmatically the perception that there will be no extra curricular activity in fidelity-type marriages can actually lead to HIV transmission.

Certainly, outside the gay community and in other countries, it’s been a major driver of the epidemic.

I guess my question remains though; how stigmatizing is all this in the context of gay sexual mores, because painting gay guys as sex-crazy risk takers seems to be at the heart of this particular pro-marriage argument?
what’s marriage got to do with it?:
October 27, 2008 08:51 AM
The institution of marriage, does not equate to fidelity. Not for opposite gender identified couples or same gender identified couples. I agree with you Bob, old-fashioned marriage is not a cure, except for getting rid of excess cash. Honest communication in a relationship is the only way to address transmission issues.

Thank you for visiting our campaign website, and special thanks to the many of you who participated in our blogs. The blogs are no longer active, but you still have access to the engaging blog content and previous comments.

For more information about HIV/AIDS, we encourage you to visit our "community support" link or to visit www.aso411.ca

We appreciate everyone's contributions to the great success of the HIVSTIGMA.COM campaign.

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