I think one of the problems with safer sex is that it’s become waaaaay to closely connected with condom use. Sometimes the two seem almost inseparable. What’s up with that?

My negative partner was checking out this very web site the other day with his usual eagle eye and stopped at the first question posed by one of the strippers in the Explicit Truth section. (You do know we have strippers, don’t you?) “This answer doesn’t make sense” he said. (He never really did have an eye for strippers. I don’t know what’s wrong with him!)

Here’s the question and response that he’d zeroed in on:

 Q: Gay guys are abandoning condoms, True or False.

A: False; Whether we have HIV or not, most of us play safe most of the time. In a 2005 study, 70% of guys reported sex lives with little or no risk of HIV transmission.

That answer is a bit of a non sequitur, so I’m guessing it won’t be just my partner scratching his head on that one. I’m sort of OK with that, though; thinking is always good in my book. But I’m not so OK with the implication that safer sex equals condoms, as if the two terms are interchangeable. That’s clearly not the intent here, I know. In fact this site has a good little section that explains what safer sex can be. You can see that here: http://www.hivstigma.com/safer_sex.php   It’s a far more inclusive list than just condom use, and rightly so.

It’s my take that condoms are a bit of a dog as a prevention methodology. Attempts to eroticize their use as a prevention strategy work for some, but clearly not for others. Some guys will tell you that sex feels better without them, that they kill the mood, that they turn Mr Big and Tall in to Misterr Softeee. BUT, despite all this, a tribute to our collective good sense I think, they are still a staple of every gays guy’s night-stand . More often than not they’re used when they need to be used.  Or - and I think this is important - many guys find other ways to reduce risk. Collective pats on the backs, folks!

But I do wish we had something better for what some see as our prime defence against HIV. In the mean time, I think it’s productive to question whether condoms are the be all and end all of safer sex.

And while we’re on the subject of finding new prevention technologies, I’ve read a lot about circumcision lately. Don’t get me started about that . . .

By coincidence, I put up a photograph in my office yesterday. (We’re in a new home and still in the decorating phase.) It’s a photo I took at the International AIDS Conference in Toronto of the work of a Brazilian artist who works entirely with condoms. She makes fab dresses out of them, in fact. I like the way how she sees condoms in an entirely different light to the rest of us  . .  .  .  .

I got a spate of comments on my last entry as a result of people who read my other journal coming over here to take a gander at this site.  Good for them. My other journal is here, if you’re interested: http://ruralrob.livejournal.com/ It’s an almost daily chronicle of living in the country, sometimes touching on HIV stuff, but mostly not.   It’s my life.  And tons of photos I’ve taken in and around my little community of 700 people, located in the wilds of Eastern Ontario.

How rural am I? This is the view from my front porch .  .  .

I mention all this partly because it shows, I hope, that we are multidimensional, rather than just people living with HIV. I’m also (I think) the only rural guy on our panel of facilitators, and so I’m very conscious of whether this campaign will make sense to everyone, wherever they live My take is that the look of the site is urban and edgy, which is smart, given that Toronto is the centre of the gay universe, and where much of our target audience is surely located. But not all will live in big towns. So that reference to deciding what to wear to a Madonna concert won’t resonate as much here in the boondocks, where we are more concerned with what brand of rubber boots are best for winter - and fashion be damned

It’s my experience, though, that those of us gays who live away from large urban centres have many similarities with big city guys - and we sometimes share your recreational spaces - but we often lead quite different lives.   Some of us, I know, have isolation issues Toronto folks could only guess at, which fact impacts heavily on our ability or willingness to disclose our status to strangers, for example. Even outing oneself by going to a local AIDS Service Organization for help is a huge step for many. I know, I’ve volunteered at one such organization for years. So I understand these things, even though my own status is one of someone who is out about both my sexual orientation and my HIV status.

I’d love to hear from other folks who live away from large urban centres.   What’s your take on HIV and stigma?  Is it better where you live, or worse?  Harder to disclose, or not?   And do you feel this website speaks to you, or are you feeling left out? I’ll reply to all comments.

.