Jan 14/09 Some questions for you.
( 333 Comments )
I figure since we’ve been in this campaign to me, that I’d revisit a few themes.
1) What does stigma mean to you?
2) How does stigma affect you? How does behaviour on the part of others effects you? By this I mean anything from someone patting you on the stomach, the way one is rejected for sex, or dealing with a workplace environment.
3) Additionally, how does specifically affect your sexual choices.
4) How do we get HIV negative guys to be partners in this? How can they contribute?
I’m not going to give my answers as I’m interested in hear other voices on these thoughts. I could ramble on, but I won’t
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Hey folks thanks for all your comments. I’ve been feeling a blank as to what to say at this point. Due to the nature of the internet and attention spans it is good to reiterate what has been said before. So many are so clueless that they are contributing to the very behaviour they so openly condom.
Like Rodger, why would someone want to take the risk with all these people being charged, and you know that the negative person is always assumed to be right, and the positive one is always the irresponsible one.
Even though I’m so public I can understand why there those who choose to keep everything quite quiet. If you go that route then you have to maintain it quite strictly so it doesn’t get out. It’s a little late for me know.
January 16, 2009 09:58 PM
Being stealth about being poz means I don’t face the ongoing risk of unfair legal action if any random person every decided to lie about my sex life, and that I don’t have people who won’t sit next to me at the workplace cafeteria. But stigma still impacts me. The attitude of my gay peers, most often expressed online or in print, if often full of inappropriate righteous indignation and judgment, combined with outright HIV panic about overblown and unreal ideas about transmission risk. I’d like to say that stuff doesn’t bother me, but it does. That’s the biggest and most frustrating impact of stigma, because it leads to feelings that are not rational but are still very strong — I’m left feeling as if I’m some kind of bad person WHEN I KNOW I’M NOT.
It affects my sexual choices in that I opt not to disclose most of the time. Disclosure could have a life-changing impact for me, while in comparison, by playing safe I am not placing anyone else at significant risk. If not for stigma and the risk of bogus legal action, I’d feel like I had more options around disclosure.
As for how to engage neg guys, it’s hard to say. I wish more people were like Nick from Ottawa, who writes for Xtra and has commented here. I think he’s a total role model for neg guys.
January 16, 2009 04:29 PM
1) What does stigma mean to you?
Stigma to me, is the reputation and insecurities and other negative aspects of something that follow a person, groups, business, etc.
Its a horrible thing to have, because it tends to ruin those things (people, groups, business, etc.)
2) How does stigma affect you? How does behaviour on the part of others effects you? By this I mean anything from someone patting you on the stomach, the way one is rejected for sex, or dealing with a workplace environment.
-HIV Stigma affects me within my workfield, since i work for the Four A’s (Alaskan AIDS Assistance Assocation), as a facilitator for the Adam & Steve Group (myspace.com/anchoragecore), we have a lot of past issues with our old facilitators, (i.e. sex groups, drug use, etc) that have followed us, and made a bad reputation for the group, which has taken a knife to the back, and it has affected our numbers and the specific demographics that we are trying to have join us to help the gay community.
-Behavior follows the aspect that it takes a toll on our members, and our outreaching, because of the past troubles that have been caused, and have left a stigma and a mark on the group
3) Additionally, how does specifically affect your sexual choices.
-HIV Stigma affecting my sexual choices? hmm, well in my own perspective, i don’t believe that we should be so judgmental on people who are HIV+, its not that they chose to obtain the virus. My view on it, is that people are people and even if we do have to take extra pre-cautions to have sexual activities with the person of our choice, whether they be HIV- or HIV+, shouldn’t make a grey area in our lives, and make it a “bad thing” to do.
But that is my perspective on it, and i feel that people are people, and we make our own choices, good or bad.
4) How do we get HIV negative guys to be partners in this? How can they contribute?
-That is the trouble, because a large amount of America, or even the world, is so superficial about the thought of even having ONE sexual encounter. The chances of getting HIV from a single sexual encounter are low, with protection, and its hard to make people realize the facts about HIV, because they are so close-minded about the subject, that its almost TABOO to them. There are a good amount of people out there (me included) that have differing views on the subject of getting people to partner in that. Its just hard to get a stubborn person to take in a view, when they are so superficial on the subject.
-They can contribute by learning the REAL facts about HIV, and not reading them on wikipedia, etc.
They need to actually go to a government ran site (I.E. CDC, here, HIV+ Bloggers, UNAIDS, etc) and learn the true facts, or go to their local HIV/AIDS agency and see if there is a course or a couple books that they can read on the subject. Most agencies do presentations in the prison systems, which i am going to be doing soon (I used to give HIV presentations to youth inmates at the local detention center), even though they may not be listening, sooner or later, the information will seep into them, and make them realize..”Hey..Maybe i should learn more about this?”
Or, ask a friend if they know anything about it. Or even better, is to get an HIV test. You can get information while the counselor gives you the rundown before the test, which can make you realize…”Wow…I didn’t know that!”
Thank you Brian for these videos, i shall pass them on around Alaska and also tell my friends this site.
Jared Michael Krapfl
January 16, 2009 01:27 PM
I just asked a young negative guy to come take a look here. He works in an ASO. Maybe he can add some perspective. My feeling is that part of the sero divide is to say, “That doesn’t matter to me” and “That’s not my issue.” I really don’t have the answer to that. Perhaps if every single person who was positive were open about it.
HIVUNPLUGGED reminds us all there there are still many bastions of areas where the dark ages persist with HIV. Negative gay men who say we have it easy their head up their butts it’s incredible, and very I don’t know who to say urban-centric. Even with all the blessed resources we have in Toronto it can be difficult. But none these guy ever give any thought to those who may live in rural places where confidentiality is a huge issue, or a background where their is a lot of homophobia and AIDSphobia.
I wish, just for once, one of these guys who thinks it’s so easy would have the guts to not be anonymous and take up an open and healthy debate on the issue.
I once dared this guys on a message board, give my full name, my email address, and said if you really feel this way then contact me and lets go for coffee and discuss it.
Of course I heard nothing.
January 16, 2009 02:31 AM
I have been Poz 3 yrs, I have been faced with the stigma from my own mother. She will not eat anything i cook nor will she use my bathroom. and it does make me feel bad.
I have yet to actually be back in the working world, But when I do it will be HIV related.
i told a girl friend its really no different than diabetics they were once dropping like flies to when it first began. I think it changed the way she looked at me.
I have not dated at all since i found out either just for my own personal reflection though. I have no problem telling people i have hiv. I am just like oh i have HIV and brush it off like its no big deal. but i suspect if it were a date he would be poz or already no before the date even happened. if im rejected oh well id rather wait for the right guy anyway. i think im over casual sex? cant that be a new revolution. back to dating and less clubbing. just a thought.
January 15, 2009 12:30 PM
Brian. I think number four is the burning question here, and the one I will leave the campaign still wondering about. Perhaps this campaign wasn’t the one to engage neg guys, I don’t know. Hopefully you’ll have a chance to voice your views on this, though . .
January 15, 2009 09:58 AM
I like sex, who doesn’t and if I play safe what’s the problem. The bad experiences I’ve had just makes me what to F*** it, and not say anything. It’s not like I’m the only guy. Plus it’s too scary to disclose and then have someone freak out.