Comments for David's Blog

Comment on how best can we go about this? by Rencontre Lorient

Rencontre Lorient — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 07:42:49 +0000

Rencontre Lorient…

Dating has never been easier !…

Comment on how best can we go about this? by Adult Sites Poster

Adult Sites Poster — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 13:52:04 +0000

Adult Sites Poster…

Get your share of multi-billion dollars adult industry today….

Comment on the end? by Bob L

Bob L — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:28:27 +0000

Ooops did it again. That last one was from me . .

Comment on the end? by Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 04:27:35 +0000

Nice work, David. It’s been a real pleasure working with you and hearing your thoughts.

Comment on Is there opportunity in challenge? by David

David — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:45:17 +0000

Anonymous, you bring up an interesting point around the amount of us HIV negative men there are that aren’t actually aware of our current HIV status. A great deal of that lack of knowledge has to do with misinformation about transmission of HIV, and also the fear and stigma around getting tested regularly. I agree that perhaps if regular HIV testing was a more common practice, and part of peoples routine health check ups, maybe there would be a shift in attitudes around HIV in our community. 20% is a big number to not have everyone on board with safer sex practices, and regular testing. Stigma, shame, and an unrealistic sense of distance is really keeping many of us HIV negative from keeping ourselves healthy. That same stigma and shame keeps HIV positive guys from feeling safe to disclose, and from practicing consistent safer sex behaviours with partners too. Not great on both our parts. Again, we all need to be working on this together, and not seeing one another as the enemy in order to properly do this however.

Comment on Is there opportunity in challenge? by Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:43:10 +0000

As an OUT poz gay man, the stigma that exists is in part fueled by the actions of some poz people (come out of that closet). Bring in mantatory testing for everyone and stamp the result on your Health Card, then watch how fast we all (both poz and neg) unite to eliminate stigma. Stats show 20% of MSM in Toronto are poz with similiar stats for London, (slightly lower for) Ottawa etc, and 30% of poz people not even knowing there status due to a lack of a current test.

Comment on Is there opportunity in challenge? by Murray

Murray — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:02:46 +0000

I think this very simple question is one of the key aspects of why HIV stigma is present in the gay men’s community. HIV is only one aspect of who I am and it’s quite likely that someone who is HIV negative will understand and connect with me on other levels as much or more than a POZ guy. However, there are aspects of living with HIV that are simply impossible to fully understand without the lived experience. Having said that, there are aspects of being negative that after 17 and a half years of being POZ, I would suggest are simply not possible for me to understand. The opportunity is, as you state David, in the discussion. As long as we can be willing to discuss and respect one another, growth is possible. Having the insight to recognize when and how our conversations are shutting someone down (even when we’re not intending that to happen), is the critical piece that is not always there. I think that’s what this site is helpful at providing - the support and insight that help to keep us talking.

Comment on Is there opportunity in challenge? by Rodger

Rodger — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 10:45:45 +0000

I think we can always try. I don’t think there is a definitive answer as to if poz and neg guys can fully understand one another. I think it all varies based on individuals. I certainly learn on this site, and most certainly in exchanges I have had with you in particular.

I think poz/neg interaction is like any other set of exchanges that take place across an undeniable divide of social power. Both sides have much to offer and much to learn. In any of these kinds of situations, I try to learn when it makes sense to speak, and when it makes sense to listen.

Comment on Is there opportunity in challenge? by Coach Be

Coach Be — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 12:36:18 +0000

Hi David I think their is always an opportunity in challenge.
Your very smart! Not many see things this way. Perhaps I will direct you to Bob’s post on depression.

Walked right over the opportunity.
Often in life, the “Davids” of the world cower in the face of “Goliath” called opportunity.

They become afraid of what they may learn (understand). Often it is not about the subject but rather, what they may learn about themselves.

It is much easier to run from controversy and to submit to the disempowering structure.
Self examination requires change as we have discussed on this site some “People”, “Organizations”, and “Communities” just don’t want to or know how to change.

In order to understand or be willing to understand you must first accept that that change is going to happen.
If you are not willing to change then will you be willing to understand?

Comment on the sero-discord dance by Brian F.

Brian F. — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 21:11:49 +0000

Great discussion, and there isn’t much I can add to it that hasn’t already been said. Only that if someone, even in a long term relationship, wants to drop the use of condoms (and I understand the desire) I still think it’s dumb dumb dumb Cinderella thinking. How many couples are 100 percent monogamous? It’s like the girl looking to fall in love, get married and have her husband to take care of her for the rest of her live as she raises the children, only to find herself in the poor house because hubby’s left and they are living in poverty as she now trying to get a job with no money or experience. Are you really willing to give that up because of a bare cock up your ass? (I can’t help it, I’m always so crude).

There are many reasons why positive guys shouldn’t do it, but at least they’ve at least already got the damn thing, there is not going back on that one.

My experience has been two long term relationships sero-discordant for a total of 10 years, no seroconversion. We just used a condom when we fucked. It wasn’t that complicated.

Having said that, I met a guy once who’s health was very bad, but I liked him. I was asking myself “Do I want to make myself emotionally vulnerable by becoming involved with someone who’s health is really bad? What he were to go within a year, two, or three years?”

Then I realized that this could be the same thing said of me, less the health status. So I did date this guy as I liked him and if it was meant to be, then enjoy the moment.

Unfortunately I discovered he had a coke habit, and had more in common with Cher than me, as I don’t think anything could stop him.

So then comes the question not of wanting to be with someone negative, not for fear of becoming exposed, but not feeling emotionally ready to fall in love with someone who could potentially die from this. These days with the medications that’s not likely to be the scenario, however our emotional intelligence doesn’t always equal our intellectual intelligence.