Small town HIV stigma
The last couple of months seem to be full of things that are keeping me from posting regularly. In January, my father was hospitalized and subsequently passed away in early February. As I’m getting back into the swing of things, I got thinking about the last couple of weeks and my experiences in the small community where I grew up. The funeral and visitations brought out many people who knew my father. A couple of them commented on having seen me on TV in relation to some ride. This was of course referencing the fundraising event for the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation where we cycle from Toronto to Montreal. I often do media interviews along the route and openly disclose my HIV status. I had one gentleman comment on it with complete comfort and nonchalance. He was an older straight man and I wondered whether he was proud of me, or didn’t really catch the gist of the full interview, or simply didn’t care about my HIV status.
Of course HIV stigma in many instances goes hand in hand with homophobia or racism as well as other forms of stigma or discrimination so it can be hard to differentiate sometimes. This situation really got me wondering about how uncomfortable I might be for some HIV negative gay men who might be a bit more closeted in this small town. Simply speaking to an openly HIV positive gay man who has been in various media, including the local small town paper, might imply they are HIV positive or gay themselves. Whether rational or not, this fear is often present in these situations. While understandable to some extent it actually ends up contributing to this overall societal stigma as well as stigma within the gay men’s community.
David wrote about this in one of his entries where he referenced people’s assumptions about his status because he works in an AIDS Service Organization. It’s a similar situation with geography as the key factor this time.
I’m not sure how to impact this kind of stigma and fear but perhaps the internet and safe dialogue as well as the actions of residents within smaller communities like Bob are the first steps. I know my father was proud of the work I did and the openness with which I lived my life and perhaps he and his actions contributed to reducing HIV stigma in their town.
March 18, 2009 12:21 PM
Hey Murray,
Thank you for sharing so much about yourself, you come across as a very strong passionate human being. You have such great strength to come across the obstacles in life that you may or have encountered. I must send my congratulations to you for staying strong going home. I know that I have family that has come out, and subsequently left our town to Toronto so that he had a sense of belonging. He has also in the recent years found out that he was positive. This really struck him hard, being a gay male and adding a stigma riddled virus. It broke my heart to hear things like “do you still love me” come out of his mouth. To think that a person has to overcome the fear of rejection because of their sexuality, then to have to overcome the fear of even further ridicule for being loose, or a slut. I really hated myself for a small period of time because someone I loved so much had to suffer so greatly and I couldn’t do anything. Now I have education behind myself and now have a passion to speak up for others. So I thank you for being a part of a movement, and for being so strong!
A little sister,
Sarah
February 22, 2009 09:42 AM
I’m sorry to hear about your dad.
February 21, 2009 02:44 PM
Good thoughts. Murray. I do think there is the opportunity for openly poz guys to make a HUGE impact in rural communities, in part because we are seen as a bit of a novelty. There is in fact plenty of acceptance out here in some communities, more than people might expect. The rural scene now is full of ex-urbanites with fairly liberal values who are comfortable with the gay thing. Meanwhile the established farm-based folks have a tradition of caring and community support, so that can be surprisingly supportive too.
My experience may be coloured by the fact that I live in a rather unusual community. Warkworth is well-known for being gay-postive. The Globe and Mail called it the gayest little town in Ontario. (Its a village actually, pop 700.) But I’m familiar too with the challenges faced by gays, poz and neg, in more conservative/redneck communities and small towns across Onatrio and even there I do believe it’s possible to push the envelope without necessarily getting beaten up.
Having said that most poz guys don’t disclose here, and in fact are petrified of doing so, because of the perception that there will be a bad reaction. It’s a shame. It perpetuates stigma, of course - and we all know where that leads to - not to mention leaving poz guys with feelings of loneliness and isolation. Rural ASO’s wortk hard to try and deal with that umbrella of fear and shame, but they tend to do so in such a protective way that they seldom really encourage behaviours which lead to widespread disclosure, in my opinion.
Is there guilt by association? In orther words, will mixing with known poz guys tarnish one’s neg reputation. Same rules likely apply. Depends on the community, but much of what’s going on is fear Sometime it pays to be a little bit brave. It definitely pays to support those guys who are a) are prepared to disclose and b) who educate others by associating with those who have disclosed.