I am a survivor of the original wave of the epidemic and was already positive when they came up with the test in the mid 80’s. I’ve been on anti-virals since 1992 and finally became undetectable with my latest combo a few years ago. I’ve been with my partner for more than 30 years. He’s negative. (Proof that safe sex works.) Since I’m not looking for any kind of ongoing relationship, when I want to go out for recreational sex I go to the baths. I find them much more straightforward than bars or on online where many people, despite what they may say, are more likely to have a range of expectations.

You don’t present a resume when you meet someone at the baths. People usually fuck first and maybe talk later. I don’t wear a sign around my neck that says I’m poz, but if people ask me to do something or start to do something unsafe, I always tell them that I don’t want to do that because I’ve got HIV and doing that could give them AIDS. They are usually surprised that I actually tell them because it’s apparently unusual. I’ve had people freak. I’ve had people walk out. I’ve had people say, that’s OK, I’m poz too. I’ve had people thank me for telling them. But most people just acknowledge it by continuing to play safe. I think the stigma around being poz makes many people afraid to disclose, and that silence lulls those who are negative into a sense of false security where it’s more likely they will do something to expose themselves.