HIV stigma is affecting the health of all gay men and is affecting our ability to prevent the transmission of HIV. Throughout this website there are different examples of how HIV stigma is affecting the gay community.

Ask yourself what kind of community you want to live and play in.

Discriminating against guys with HIV doesn't make you safer. It is estimated that 17% of men who have sex with men¹ in Ontario is HIV-positive. In Ottawa, it is about 11%. In Toronto, it is nearly one quarter.

HIV stigma and discrimination contribute to a culture of silence in which gay men find it challenging to talk about their HIV status or HIV in general and to confront HIV in their lives. This culture contributes to greater risk for HIV transmission.

¹ The phrase 'men who have sex with men' is used by epidemiologists to categorize gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men when determining rates of HIV amongst gay and other men who have sex with men. In Ontario, the statistics we quote use this phrasing, so to be accurate we cannot use the term 'gay' to refer to the statistics we are quoting.

Because of HIV stigma, some gay men make silent assumptions about the HIV status of their sexual partners based on beliefs they hold about who has HIV or how someone with HIV looks or where someone with HIV has sex.

When we make incorrect assumptions about the HIV status of the other guy in order to have unprotected sex and prevent HIV transmission, we can end up having unprotected sex with a guy whose HIV status is different than our own. This is when HIV transmission can occur.

About 30% of HIV-positive men who have sex with men in Ontario do not know they have HIV.

It is estimated that 17% of men who have sex with men in Ontario are HIV-positive. In Ottawa the number is 11%. In Toronto, it's nearly one in four. Odds are, if you have more than a few sexual partners, you are having sex with guys who have HIV. And that's okay. You just need to play safe.

Some guys seek out partners who have the same HIV status in order to have unprotected anal sex without risk of HIV transmission. The problem is that there are a lot of guys who believe they are HIV-negative, but they are not. They may have got HIV since their last HIV test. They may tell you they don't have HIV and they may be wrong. They may be afraid to tell you the truth, even if they know they have HIV. For casual sex, your best bet remains to play safe and use a condom when you fuck.

Some guys who know they have HIV may want unprotected sex with other guys who know they have HIV. There are potential risks to unprotected sex between HIV-positive guys, like syphilis or other sexually transmitted infections. These can be more harmful to guys who have a compromised immune system. Be sure you are well informed before you make the choice to drop condoms with other poz guys (see the section of this website titled 'safer sex'). And be sure to disclose your HIV status to sexual partners when you are going to have unprotected anal sex.

All gay guys who are sexually active should get regular check-ups for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Talk to you doctor about how often you should screen for STIs.

Aside from increasing the risk of HIV transmission, HIV stigma fosters divisions within the gay community between HIV-positive and HIV-negative gay men, leading to further marginalization of gay men in our community. It has many negative impacts particularly on HIV-positive gay men, such as social isolation, shame, guilt, depression and other health issues.

Some HIV-negative gay guys experience a lot of anxiety because of their fear of HIV. It is hard to live your life in fear. It affects your relationships and it affects the quality of your sex life. Your fear of HIV can lead you to treat other gay guys, especially gay guys with HIV, poorly. Fear and anxiety, experienced over a long-time and many HIV tests, can lead to despair and indifference about HIV infection. You may be taking more risks because you are tired of living with fear and anxiety around HIV.

Yes, HIV stigma can exist between HIV-positive gay men, particularly towards guys who are more recently diagnosed or are younger and expected to have "known better" how to avoid HIV infection in this day and age.

If you are sexually active chances are you are having sex with guys who have HIV. The next time you reject a guy with HIV after he tells you he has HIV, ask yourself if you would have had sex with him had he not told you he has HIV. Your risk for HIV is the same, whether you know he has HIV or not. Practice safer sex and you can avoid HIV.

Gossiping about the HIV status of other guys contributes to HIV stigma. Gossiping isolates guys with HIV from their own community. Gossiping discourages guys with HIV from disclosing their HIV status to sexual partners and fosters a culture where some gay men may avoid getting tested for HIV.

A culture that expects HIV-positive gay men to talk about HIV in all sexual situations is a culture that places sole responsibility for safer sex onto the shoulders of HIV-positive gay men. This is unfair to HIV-positive gay men, particularly because of HIV stigma, which discourages guys from telling their partners they have HIV. This is also risky for guys who do not have HIV when they rely on positive guys to disclose in order to decide if they will practice safer sex.

The prevention of HIV transmission should be a shared responsibility. HIV-negative guys can also bring up safer sex and HIV and they can tell their sexual partners they are HIV-negative, to ensure that their sexual partners are informed of their HIV status.

All gay men participate in stigmatizing HIV-positive guys when they perpetuate the idea that newly infected guys 'should have known better'. This attitude encourages unnecessary guilt and shame amongst guys who are newly diagnosed and may function to prevent some guys from getting tested for HIV and learning their HIV status. The reasons why some guys don't always play safe are complex and likely many of us can relate to taking risks in our lives that in retrospect we wish we hadn't. We need to support each other to practice safer sex and we need to support each other when one of us becomes infected with HIV.

HIV-positive people have been at the forefront in leading the response to HIV since it all began. For most guys with HIV, the fear and anxiety of possibly transmitting the virus to sexual partners and lovers is difficult to cope with. Transmitting the virus is of great concern to most guys with HIV.

This implies that they somehow deserved to get infected. Nobody deserves to get infected. And we all have the right to a healthy and satisfying sexual life in the ways that work for us. Thinking that guys with HIV have somehow failed or are somehow flawed may be a way to distance ourselves from guys with HIV. It can make us feel more secure about our risk for HIV to think that somehow guys with HIV are different than we are. The reality is that for most of us, HIV is present in our sexual lives. Condoms when you fuck and good sexual health will protect you from HIV. You can have good sex and avoid HIV infection for your entire life.

It's true that the impact of being on HIV medications can affect some guy's physical appearance, but thinking you can figure out a guy's HIV status by looking at him is not a reliable strategy to avoid HIV transmission. The reality is that many HIV-positive guys don't have noticeable physical traits that are related to HIV infection or HIV treatments, so your assumptions about what an HIV-positive guy looks like may be wrong. And the assumption that a 'healthy looking' guy could not have HIV may lead you to take risks you would not otherwise take.

You may or may not be aware of the HIV status of your friends. It's probably something that doesn't often come up in discussions. Most HIV-negative guys wouldn't deliberately exclude HIV-positive guys from their social circles. But, HIV stigma can make it difficult for guys with HIV to disclose to their friends. Be aware of what you think and how you talk about guys with HIV when you are with friends. You may be talking to a guy with HIV and not know it.

HIV infection can result in many physical and emotional complications and some of these can make it difficult to work. HIV stigma in the workforce can also create real challenges for guys with HIV to maintain employment. A guy may be able to go to the gym or meet friends for coffee, but not be able to maintain full-time employment. Get educated about the experience of living with HIV. You need to ask yourself what kind of community you want to live and play in and act accordingly.